Golden Slumbers's Mindful Musings: SELF-DOUBT

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer

Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

"Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride

I know the cake looks funny Daddy but I sure tried"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night

- Bob Carlisle

Last night as I tucked my daughter into bed, I had a quiet word with her about her friendship with a particularly close individual. This friendship had suddenly gone cold and although she denied it, I knew that it was troubling her deeply. She had begun doubting herself by imagining that she may have offended her friend in some way. As a father how do you handle this?

This reminded me of my late teenage years when I was deeply troubled by a failed relationship. Everything seemed dark and life didn’t seem worth living then. Fortunately my mom sensed something wrong and quietly whispered to me, “don’t give in to despair.” Mom, who passed away just this August, had probably saved me from doing something very stupid.

So what did I say to my little girl? I told her that the best way to handle this was to address this matter directly with her friend. Her friend may still give her the cold shoulder and if so, then it’s a friendship not worth having. I also told her never to doubt herself and never allow anyone to make her doubt herself. I’m not sure if I said the right things but I do hope it helped.

I’m thankful my daughter still shares most things with me, though I’m sure she keeps some matters away from my prying eyes and ears. Children of today are so different from our time when we were their age. Then we were just told to get on with our lives, but you can’t tell your kids that these days. You’ll want them to talk to you or if that’s not possible, to talk to ateacher in the school, where they spend most of their time. I think it’s important that children are encouraged to share their feelings, emotions and views about things. For some of us parents that may not be possible, for whatever reason, but share them they must, and with people whom parents can trust.

Mental health is an area where we often neglect to nurture in our children. We parents are so caught up in wanting them to succeed academically that we are blind to their emotional needs. I’m glad that in Tenby there are teachers who generate warmth, generosity in spirit and who display sensitivity in their dealings with the children. They are guardians of our children in school, and they are the ideal ‘go-to counsellors’ for our children when they have issues that they won’t discuss with us parents. Long may that continue.